3 Essential Ways to be Confident in Your Success Right Now

We still do it today. Even after all these years, the dated question “What do you do?” pops up at parties, events, and get-togethers; it’s one of the first things we say when we meet someone, second only to asking someone’s name.

So what’s wrong with “What do you do?” Unfortunately, it’s the antithesis of the old but still remarkably astute adage “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” When we ask someone, “What do you do?” and they answer doctor, lawyer, teacher, construction worker, truck driver, or janitor, we immediately start to form opinions about them. Many intelligent and capable professionals will tell you the same thing (this isn’t a novel idea); what they will also tell you is that sometimes these opinions can be incorrect. Most of us have been guilty of having misconceptions at some point; the doctor must make a lot of money, the lawyer must be dishonest, the teacher is underpaid (and “those who can’t do, teach”), the construction worker or truck driver must be unrefined, and the janitor is someone we tend to pity. What we don’t see behind the scenes is that the doctor has $100K in student loan debt. The lawyer is a civil rights attorney whose sole purpose is to help people. The teacher is perfectly happy with a modest income, enjoys shaping youths and their summers off. The construction worker is an accomplished painter who just likes being outside and working with their hands. The truck driver owns their own business and makes well over six figures. And, the janitor goes around secretly solving math problems that only a handful of people in the world can solve (shameless Good Will Hunting reference).

The point is that often, our passions aren’t illustrated through a job title. “What do you do for work?” is the age-old party question, get-to-know-you probe, and ice breaker that has become essentially meaningless. A job title doesn’t define who we are; it’s our passions that make us individuals.

What does success look like? There are so many versions of success; what success looks like for one person can be totally different for someone else. Some define success in professional achievements, others in personal milestones, and many, in a combination of both.  

For this year, reflect on the “what do you do” notion, plan how to rise above it, and conquer your world from the inside out. We are not trying to interrupt anyone else’s growth or hinder their quest for success; to use a more contemporary cliché, we are simply trying to be our best selves.

So how do you get there? How do you answer more confidently and thoroughly next time someone asks, “what do you do?” And, how do you better yourself to improve your self-worth and not to appease the perception of others? Lastly, what does success mean to you, and what would your definition of success look like to you this year, next year, in five years, in ten years, and throughout the course of your entire life? I know this is a lot, but they are all crucial things to think about, and here’s an easy way to break it down…

There are three rules to live by when paving your way through society. Aside from completely going off the grid and living in the woods somewhere, these three things are necessary for how to be successful in business and how to succeed in life as a whole. These three steps to success will make you a more well-rounded person, a more relatable person, a better leader, and a powerful mentor while keeping most of your mental health intact. While those may seem like lofty promises, I encourage you to test them out. If you don’t see some improvements, please return to the comment section of this blog and put me in my place. Thanks.

#1 Be Uncommon While Finding Common Ground

Philosopher Alain de Botton, someone who discusses the “what do you do” phenomenon, posits, are our ideas of success really our own?

Botton says that media, marketing/advertising, and our elders, particularly our fathers and mothers, shape our ideas of what success means. Other contributing factors would be our surroundings (place we live and people we engage with) along with social media.

The next time someone asks “what do you do?”, think about it this way, what are you proudest of? Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about a phenomenon called Flow. Flow is when we are so engaged in a specific activity that we lose practically all awareness of the other things around us, including time. It’s why wonderful moments seem to go by too fast. In other words, Flow is a powerful focus fueled by passion. This can also happen when we talk about something we are truly passionate about; we get excited, spew information, and inspire others. People gravitate towards genuinely passionate people, but you must find common ground and provide ways for those around you to relate to the material.

You don’t need a lesson on how to be interesting, you simply need to talk about what’s most interesting to you. Be real about who you are, be concise but effective with the definition of your own success, and be relevant.

Scenario #1                                                    

Here’s an example, someone asks “what do you do?” at a networking event, and you tell them you’re a pharmacist. It’s a quick, one-word answer that is familiar to people. It’s a reasonably respected position, but it doesn’t sum you up, not be a long shot. To other people, it may sound like you got a bunch of fancy medical training to hand out pills all day; a legal drug dealer operating with impunity. Harsh, because we both know that’s not the case. More specifically, you are a clinical pharmaceutical scientist, but who really knows what that means? Others may think, well, this person must be smart, but their job sounds technical and boring. Nope, wrong again. Now someone asks you for a third time, “what do you do?” You say that you are researching and developing a drug called TNF (tumor necrosis factor). Half your audience just fell asleep, and the other half is hearing crickets. Fourth time’s the charm; you are creating a drug that can cure brain cancer in children. You were set out to do this ever since your brother died of a brain tumor when you were only eight years old. Now you have their attention, but at this point, you really don’t care because you have gotten to the core of your own success; what you really do, why you do it, why you love it, how it defines you and your goals for the future. You haven’t cured cancer yet, but you will, and if you don’t, it’s because of your research that someone else might.

Scenario #2

You work as a gym teacher. The job is okay; you like most of your students, it helps you to remain fit and active, but it isn’t your true passion. Your passion is putting together the ultimate fitness routine. With your summers off, you travel to different parts of the world, studying unique fitness rituals from both well-known and little-known cultures. You have been keeping extensive journals on the subject and refining your own practice. Someone asks, “are you going to sell your routine?”, but honestly, you’re not sure yourself; you make a living now, and the ultimate fitness routine is for right now, purely a passion project. The knowledge you are gaining is what gives you the most joy. A simple explanation provides a deeper perspective of what makes you truly unique and valuable.

Scenario #3

Stay at home parent. You were a corporate attorney who never spent much time at home. While it was making you a lot of money, it wasn’t bringing you happiness; you made some good investments and retired early. Being present for every moment in your children’s lives brings you way more happiness than work ever did.

While we ultimately shouldn’t care what other people think, we want to walk away from a conversation feeling that we presented ourselves to the best of our abilities. If, after doing that, the person still has a low opinion of us, then that’s on them.

#2 Trade-Offs Are Inevitable

In some cases, how to be successful in life is about compromises and revising our goals. Here’s another cliché for you: you need to think outside the box. It’s great to have goals, but we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if things don’t happen exactly the way we planned. You must focus on what will make you feel truly successful in life (not just professionally but personally) and work towards those goals. For example, if you are a painter, continue to study other art mediums and experiment constantly; never stop fine-tuning your work.

What do you do for fun? Remember that every hobby doesn’t need to become a passion that you are striving to perfect. And, perfection doesn’t really exist; we can be great at something, but never entirely perfect.

What should I do with my life? Unfortunately, we only have so much time on this earth. Those who are highly career-focused may have to sacrifice time with family. There is usually a trade-off, and we need to be a little bit selfish, but we must also do our best to help others. How can your passion be applied to improving our world?

One day you may wake up and find that you have different goals and passions. That’s okay. You might find that your dreams need to be revised to fulfill your new idea of success. Perhaps, you never became a professional soccer player, but coaching your child’s soccer team brings you more joy than you thought possible. Not everyone who wants to be an astronaut becomes an astronaut, but you can apply that love of space to other things that could benefit you and others.

At the end of the day, true success is being totally content with yourself and your life and spreading that insight to others.

#3 Do it for Yourself

Wake up every morning and do something for yourself, even if it’s just for ten minutes. I know that can be tough sometimes, but it’s necessary, even if that thing is just staring out the window while drinking your cup of coffee. Start every day by reminding yourself that you are important, not your boss, not your family (as much as they are important and you do love them), not anyone else but you. Whatever you do in these moments, try to be present, as we too often focus on our eventual successes and joys rather than the joys and successes that come all along the way. Enjoy the journey. When you set goals, set them for yourself. Ask, are these goals good for me? Will they contribute to making me a full person? Decide what that means to you.

What will you do moving forward to become successful in life?

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