Office etiquette: A death in the family

When someone loses a loved one it is a delicate time. Some people choose to come to the office and others work from home, where they may be more comfortable handling their grief. It can be tricky learning how to navigate the death of a loved one in the workplace. How should you act around a grieving person? What should you say? Here are some helpful things to keep in mind when faced with the death of a co-worker's loved one:

Work can be helpful
Many people find that returning to work after the death of someone they care about is really helpful. Death often makes individuals feel helpless and vulnerable, and coming back to the workplace may be a welcome reprieve from these emotions. They have tasks to complete and know what to do when they are at their jobs, which gives them a sense of purpose.

When your co-worker returns to the office, it is OK to acknowledge their loved one with a simple, "I am sorry for your loss." Then, let them return to work. If they want to talk more about it or if you have a personal relationship with your colleague, you can delve deeper. However, don't expect everyone to carry around a box of tissues and want to discuss what they are feeling. The work atmosphere of professional respect and courtesy may be a helpful break from the realities of what is going on at home.

Don't overshare
As the leader of a small company, you may have a little more insight into what is going on than the rest of the staff. Your employee likely shared with you what is happening in terms of who passed away. They probably also mentioned how involved they are in the funeral process in order to keep you in the loop for scheduling purposes. Perhaps they need time off and had to tell you about their relationship with the deceased so you understood their request for time to grieve. This information is shared with you in confidence and should not be discussed with anyone else.

Some employers feel it is necessary to send a business-wide email notifying staff of the death of a co-worker's loved one. This may not be the best idea, however, as some people are more private and prefer to keep such information to themselves and a few select co-workers. If you'd like, ask the person if it would be alright if you shared minimal information with the rest of the staff. This will allow you to alert them of the employee's impending absence for the funeral. Or, you may want to send flowers with a note on business letterhead and include the signatures of everyone at your company. Just be sure your employee who just lost a loved one is OK with what you share with the rest of your employees – you want to be respectful. If you have a human resources representative or department, encourage the person to talk with them about what he or she is going through. Human resources is the ideal place to deal with events like death that blur the lines between the personal and the professional.