There are many roads to success, but are you on the right one?
Writer and philosopher Alain de Botton asks, are our ideas of success really our own?
There are so many contributing factors that shape our ideas of what success looks like, such as our parents, friends, advertising, and social media; how do we know what the right ones are?
What does success look like? Psychiatrist Robert Waldinger surveyed millennials about what makes a successful person. When asked about their definition of success, 80% said wealth was essential, and 50% of that 80% said fame was also important.
Seems a bit misguided, huh?
But those misconceptions about being successful haven’t changed since the beginning of the human race. The lust for money, power, and fame has always been there. Even in the days of the Neanderthals, two dead bison were always better than one.
Instead of following ill advice on what you need to be successful, first, start thinking about how you’ll be remembered. The entirety of you. Not just your job or your personal life, but all of you.
#1 Dare to Be Different
Writer Elif Shafak says that “one should never remain silent for fear of complexity.”
So, remember, being different, being a misfit, not totally fitting in, driving a pink bus down the highway when all you see are black town cars, that’s what’s going to make you successful in life.
Write down what makes you special. There’s more than one.
When a business tells their customers, “why them over the competition,” do that for yourself.
Write down your passions.
When we find ourselves hyper-focused on something we love, it’s what psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi referred to as Flow. Distractions mute. Anxieties fade. We are engulfed in happiness and inspiration.
Your passions are part of what makes you different. The fact that everyone has passions is what makes you relatable.
Being truly passionate about something draws other people to you, even if they don’t necessarily understand the passion. However, you can find ways to relate your passions to others; that’s how strong relationships are formed.
At a young age, we’re taught who to envy, but instead of simply liking a trait in someone, we envy things like material wealth instead; who hasn’t fantasized about the life of a celebrity or affluent friend or acquaintance?
Push that out.
Focus on yourself instead.
What do you have to offer the world?
Sometimes your world may feel small. Friends, family, coworkers; no one knows who you really are except for a small number of people. So start there. What do you bring to them that only you can? Perhaps that’s enough?
Would you rather be talked about fondly for your best traits and accomplishments by ten people for a hundred years, or have a hundred people trying to forget you for the next ten years?
Think about the calm that comes from the vastness of nature. We find peace in the infiniteness of looking out over an unending ocean or a mountain disappearing into the horizon. In our attempt to be infinite, we try to make the most of our lives here on earth and leave behind a legacy.
We fight hard to become the ocean or the mountain. But stop and think of the grains of sand that make the shore, the millions of tiny organisms that make the sea, or a single leaf hanging from a tree on the side of a great hill. Realize the importance of these small miracles and their contribution to the ongoing vitality of an entire ecosystem.
#2 Adam I and Adam II
In his TED Talk, David Brooks speaks about résumé virtues and eulogy virtues when giving his tips for success. What you would put on a résumé and what someone would or you hope someone would put in your eulogy can often be different. There are our marketable skills and professional successes and then our depth of character.
David Brooks mentions a book written by Rabbi Joseph Soloveitchik called The Lonely Man of Faith. He says that there are two sides to our nature; Adam I and Adam II. Adam I focuses on external things; his success in the world, what he can build and create, his innovation, contributions, ambitions, and accomplishments. Adam II isn’t just concerned with how to do good, he also wants to learn how to be good. Adam II is the humble side of our nature that values internal strength, consistency, love, redemption, being a good person, and pondering why we’re here.
As David Brooks puts it, there’s a difference between our desired self and our actual self, and we are not earning the sort of eulogy we want.
Adam I builds on your strengths, and Adam II fights your weaknesses to become a better person. Brooks says to find the most shameful sin of which all your other sins emerge, confront it, and fight it to build depth of character. This can take longer than a lifetime, but you have to have faith. Good relationships and the help of others are necessary on your road to success, and forgiveness is essential.
I propose we strive for Adam 3.0. While sacrifices will sometimes need to be made and goals revised, if we work to interweave the best traits of Adam I and Adam II, we become well-rounded and successful human beings on our quest for how to become successful in life.
#3 Emotional Intelligence & Empathy
Many of us are taught that smarts, hard work, and perseverance will give us everything we want in this “meritocratic” society; success, money, and respect. And while this can be true, it isn’t always, because sometimes life just sucks.
Unfortunate circumstances can lead to undesirable results through no fault of our own. Stop blaming yourself and others. Be empathetic instead of judgmental. Find the good in each day, and make a conscious choice to create more of it. Help others when you can. Those are essential steps for how to be successful in business and how to succeed in life overall.
#4 Healthy Relationships
The longest-running Harvard study began in the 1930s. Several hundred men were examined throughout their lives. Half were Harvard alum, and the other half came from Boston slums.
Those who found great happiness and success were the men who maintained healthy relationships.
People in good relationships are characteristically healthier physically and mentally and can also appear younger; they can even withstand pain more.
Conversely, a lack of healthy relationships can have negative effects on our physical, mental, and spiritual health.
It’s not just personal relationships that are important. Having good professional relationships with coworkers, employees, and customers can elevate your mood and longevity while increasing productivity, loyalty, and revenue.
Maintaining positive connections and healthy relationships will guarantee a higher level of success in our lifetime.
#5 What Do You Really Want?
What should I do with my life?
There are so many misconceptions about how to be successful in life; money, fame, professional achievements, it’s all for naught if we aren’t happy. And isn’t complete happiness what it really means to be successful?
When someone says they lived a happy life, isn’t that what we also hope to achieve?
If we solely base our success on external factors, we will never feel truly successful because it will never be enough. A promotion, a new car, and a bigger house are all momentary highs because we want more before too long.
Goals are important for a successful life, and so is financial security; there is nothing wrong with wanting to do better for yourself and your family, but remember to enjoy the journey.
Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, says that finding joy in every day will improve our overall well-being, mentally and physically.
People are 31% more productive if they are happy. Happy people inspire others. Therefore, it’s not success that creates happiness, it’s happiness that creates success.
So when you think of success, what does success look like to you?
It’s different for everyone.
Don’t make success absolute: “I will only be successful if….” Instead, be open.
In an interview, actor Ethan Hawk once said to play the fool. If you’re not a great dancer, but you love to dance, then dance. We can’t be great at everything, but even things we aren’t good at can help to make us richer people. If we are too concerned with success instead of focusing on the activity itself, we miss opportunities to become successful.
People are reassessing what’s most important – how they can contribute to a healthier self, better relationships, an improved work-life balance, and a more positive community.
Do a personal inventory. Write down the five things that are most important to you. You can start with a more extensive list and whittle it down to your top priorities. Then, give them laser-focus. If community is important to you, then volunteer some of your time to charitable events. If family is important to you, but you haven’t been spending enough time with them lately, create some time.
If you are giving proper attention to the things most important to you, you are already leading a successful life.
#6 Finding Awe and a Greater Purpose
Life gets boring. Days can feel like they are one and the same sometimes. It’s good to have routines and consistency, but it’s also good to switch them up.
Many of us have also been ingrained with the perspective that we need to be overly stimulated all the time, and we’re anxious when we’re not.
Mindfulness is being present. Look deeper at things. Immerse yourself in the unbounded color of your lover’s eyes. See the patterns in nature. Enjoy the quiet of your home. Relish in your morning coffee or evening glass of wine; seek out their individual flavors and how they make you feel. Be grateful for these experiences. You may even want to write down the things you are thankful for in a daily gratitude journal to remind yourself when feeling uninspired.
Sometimes we can feel like we’re wasting our lives, especially as we get older and our mortality comes more into focus.
Remember when you were a kid, and you did things just to do them? You didn’t worry if you were going to be good at it. You didn’t ask what the purpose was. You took part in an activity for the pleasure of the activity itself and not for the outcome. Now we ask, why write if we’ll never be authors or paint if we’ll never be professional artists? The answer? For the activity itself, and the ways we discover and surprise ourselves and others while doing those activities.
As kids, we see things for the first time; as adults, we’re jaded. But we can still find awe in every day; we just have to look closer.
Seek new experiences. Sometimes these cost money, and other times they are free.
Learn things from others. Everyone you meet has something to teach you.
Get lost in your passions.
Lecturer and celebrity Jason Silva says that “finding your passion starts with examining your curiosities.”
Philosopher and civil rights leader Howard Thurman says, “Ask not what the world needs. Ask, instead, what makes you come alive. Because what the world needs are more people who have come alive.”
Positivity alone will not make us fully formed beings. The world is bigger than us. We must seek out our selflessness as much as our selfishness. Putting ourselves first sometimes is essential, but we must also dedicate a portion of our energy to others. Employ acts of kindness often. Give back to your community. Look for purpose in life beyond your wants and needs.
#7 The End of the Road
While slightly morbid, ask yourself this question, what would you want in your eulogy? If someone wrote your eulogy tomorrow, would you be happy with what it said?
If your answer is yes, great, but remember that continued maintenance of your success will require ongoing effort; don’t fall off track.
If your answer is no, don’t let this scare you. If you are always head-down focused on making yourself a success, you miss the point; a successful life is about enjoying what’s around you and who you’re with, then spreading this positivity to others.
Become a mentor, not a stick in the mud.
For more tools on your road to success, go to www.123print.com.